“Everything good”. “Anything”. “But yes”. “Boh I do not know…”. These are just some of the facets of the answers to the big question that every day we make to our children: “How was your day?” . Whether it’s the school, soccer training or karate lesson, or even the day spent with friends, you can’t miss it: children often don’t seem to want to tell us anything. They wriggle, they answer distractedly, they avoid long answers …
And we resign ourselves after a while. And we get frustrated, let’s face it. Because we would like to take away everything we can, to know every detail, every minute! And not just for control (or at least not usually), but simply because they REALLY care about their day.
So how do you make the children tell us how it really went, that they really give us an answer? Here are some tricks.
How to get children to tell how the day went: the strategies to ensure that children really answer the question “how did it go today?”
Wait a minute
Exactly, wait, be patient: sometimes our frenzy to know leads us to ask “how did it go?” As soon as the children get into the car outside school, or as soon as they set foot in the house after a day with friends, or gym locker room. But like us adults they too relax for a moment as soon as the activities end, and maybe they simply don’t have the strength or the desire to respond at that very moment. Just like when, for example, we leave work after an important day in a meeting: if someone immediately asked us “how did it go” we would answer unconsciously a little listless, while after a relaxing shower and in front of the dinner we would have more desire and strength than talk about it, with a little more enthusiasm and a clearer mind.
Speak to us first of our day
As often happens, the example is the best method of education, because our children very much imitate what we do. So if we first put ourselves in a position to share, then they too often follow our example. Before asking: “How did it go?”, Let’s try to talk about our day. “You know, today I took a walk for lunch. At work it was a bad day, but it did me a lot of good. Ah, and the copier has jammed in the office! “. They are all small insignificant details, but detailed and specific. But the question “And your day instead how did it go?” The children will feel more involved and listened to, sharing bilaterally, not feeling “under interrogation”. And it’s a habitual exercise:
Go ahead for specific questions
Sometimes it is enough to focus on specific questions and not on the generic and classic: “How did it go?”. “Did you make the tables at school today?” “Did you have fun painting with watercolors?” “Did you have a fight again with Giulio or did you just have fun today?” And again: “Did you learn something new today?” “What is the best thing about the day? And the less pleasant one? “. In this way they will also learn to express (and codify) their emotions.
Understand fatigue and put off
In this case, what we put in place is empathy and availability. When a child is visibly tired and doesn’t feel like talking, let’s try to understand it right away. Usually, it is when it responds to monosyllables. Let us therefore understand that we have understood his state: “You are tired, I see it, who knows how many things you did today. You will tell it to me when you feel it. ” Simple but effective.
They have not eaten enough, if they do not oblige them to feed they will not grow – Starting from the certainty that western populations take too many calories compared to their consumption, any pediatrician will agree that when a child is hungry he eats. There is therefore no danger of malnutrition in a child who is acting up , is temporarily inappetent or does not like a particular food. What must be marked is a healthy relationship with food , avoiding giving food the double value of obligation-consolation.
That game is too dangerous, it will hurt – except in certain cases, slides and gamessimilar do not usually constitute a real danger for the children of the house. In fact, these are play structures specifically designed to guarantee the safety of children. Obviously, children should always be checked but at a distance. Avoid any type of possible risk (for example, if a knee falls or fades), it will only be useful to reduce the adult’s anxiety but it will not be a good prerequisite for growth. The latter, in fact, is a path that also needs to make mistakes, fall and get up again.
It’s not big enough to hang out with friends – the age when you start with “evening” autonomyit cannot be determined equally for all, indeed it must be modulated taking into account numerous variables. Among the factors to be considered: personal degree of maturity of the subject, ability to manage unforeseen circumstances and different return times calibrated according to age. Therefore, there is no need to advance decisively, based only on maternal-paternal fear. But by observing your child, you can decide when and how to make it more and more autonomous. Without external intrusion.
Do not send him on a school trip, he will cry all the time – Especially when a child is small, the tendency of grandparents is often to discourage any concession of autonomy, which seems excessive in relation to the age of the child. An example, above all, is theschool trip that includes several nights away from home. Or the classic summer colony . One of the first factors to consider about this is that these structures are not concentration camps and that teachers (or educators, in general) are absolutely prepared for any eventuality. Furthermore, it is true that children can cry because they miss their parents, but these are transient episodes, of crises that most of the times can be managed independently by the children themselves.
Better with grandparents than at the nest – A great classic, very controversial among mothers . If a woman needs to go back to workwhen the child is still small, he must feel free to choose what he considers most appropriate and suitable for the education of his child. If the mother wants the baby to stay with her grandparents , so be it. But if parents feel that the nest can be a better solution from an educational point of view, they should be able to choose without intrusions or family influences. The nursery , in fact, is a place of growth, education and experimentation. A context of competence and quality, designed specifically for the serenity of the little ones. If the question raised by the grandparents concerns the frequency of illness, it is true that at the nursery the children will often get sick but all this will avoid the same routine of various illnesses at the schoolmaternal.